I can’t stop thinking about something my powerhouse friend Dave McLurg said…

(Dave has a brilliant business mind and is exceptional when it comes to strategizing so as to best leverage a business, offer, or a service.)

He said that people move in and out of three states-of-mind: survival, functional, and transformational.

He also said that while a person can move up the ladder, he or she can’t skip steps. So you can move from survival to functional, but you cannot move from survival to transformational.

If your state of mind is focused on surviving, you are thinking about basic needs, like putting food on the table. If you are in functional mode, you are thinking about getting the laundry done

so you have something clean to wear to work.

These two phases aren’t

very exciting, are they? In fact, “survivor-land” is downright depressing…

But the third area is… well, it’s transformational.

If you are in the third phase, you are considering where you want to go and how you can transform your life into something bigger and better.

This is where I want to spend most of my life.

Of course, we all live in “survivor-land” here and there, but if you are always focused on “just surviving,” you won’t be capable of focusing on transforming your life.

So if you want to limit the amount of time you spend in “survivor-land” and spend more time thinking about how to transform your life, you must find a way to quickly move up the ladder.

In other words, you must develop a method for getting out of “survivor-land” and into functional mode.

When I find myself focusing on the scarcity and “just trying to get by,” I ask myself a question…

What do I have to do next?

This way, I start taking action on things that need to get done. By taking action, I allow myself to stop being paralyzed by the fear of “getting by.”  For me, jumping into “action-mode” puts me in a state of mind that allows me to then shift gears and focus on my future.

For instance, if I’m going through the actions of getting my kids dressed (a functional activity), I can try to turn this function into a transformational moment. I can ask my kids: “What are you going to do today to make the day a great day?”

And then I can tell my kids what I’m going to do to make sure my own day is great.

How about you? How do you shift your focus from scarcity and surviving into transformation and thriving? Share your ideas below.

- Philip Tirone

These three questions are the “catch-all” questions for everything… for parenting your children, for handling your finances, for making professional deals.

Before we get to

that, let me back up and tell you how I know Lou Holtz.

One of my mentors is Harvey Mackay, author of five bestsellers, including Swim with the Sharks. As part of our mentoring relationship, Harvey introduces me to his close friends and associates. (I’ve blogged about the fact that success relies, at least in part, on getting physical exposure to people you admire.)

At any rate, Harvey introduced me to Lou Holtz. Aside from being kind enough to take his picture with me, Lou gave me some great advice…

It’s the same advice he gave to his players on the field, to his teammates on projects, and to the coaches he manages.

Anytime you are tackling a problem, ask yourself:

1. Am I doing the right thing?
2. Am I doing the best with the time I have allotted for this?
3. Am I treating others as I would want to be treated?

If you can answer these questions with a resounding yes, you are on the path to success. If you say no to one or more of them, make the proper adjustments, and rework your solution.

Once Lou told me about these questions, I started using them all the time. When I’m disciplining my kids, I ask myself: Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing the best with the time I have? Am I treating my kids the way I would want to be treated?

And when my kids are being unfair to one another, I ask them the three questions…

When dealing with a client, I ask myself those questions. You get the point.

Lou also gave me one other question. Consider it the bonus question.

This person helps a person keep focused when working toward a goal…

The question is: What’s important now?

When Lou was coaching his teams through

a season, he kept perspective by asking over and over: What is important now? What is important now?

By doing this, he stayed in the moment and kept his team focused on making the most of that moment.

I pass this advice along because I think it applies to just about everything.

What is important now?

This is a question I can ask myself if my kids are ever in crisis. It’s a question I can ask myself when I’m trying to accomplish something for my business.

In crisis and in success, asking What is important now? stops us from focusing on distractions and reminds us to keep doing our best in the moment…

As always, let me know your thoughts by posting a comment below.

What is important in your life right now? Let me know!

- Philip Tirone

Dear Mom,

When I think back to my childhood, one memory in particular still makes my eyes well up with tears…

While other parents were driving Mercedes and BMW’s, you were driving the school bus. And you did it with a smile on your face!

And work ethic isn’t the only thing you gave me. You are the definition of “Super Mom.” You have taught me that…

1) My word is my wand.

In fact, I can still hear your voice: “Phil, your word is your wand.”

If I was angry and complaining, you taught me that I would attract whatever I was focusing on. If I continued to use words of frustration, I would attract more frustrating things in my life. But if I used words of gratefulness, I would be given other things for which I would be grateful.

And guess what? My word is my wand, and that is why my life is so great right now.

Thank you, Mom.

2) I should always make it fun.

It was late into my elementary school years when I learned that “Energy Balls” were actually pitted prunes and that “Moon Candy” was dried apricots.

I specifically remember a day when I had a friend over, and you said, “Who wants some Energy Balls?”  Lacey and I jumped up and down…

I can only imagine what my friend was thinking, but I still grin when I think about the sick look of disappointment on his face when you brought out the “treat.” After recovering from his shock, he said, “Those aren’t Energy Balls. Those are PRUNES!”

Well, to this day, I still love my Energy Balls… and countless other kind-of-gross things that you made fun.

3) It will come back tenfold.

Perhaps your greatest lesson was this: “Everything

you give will come back 10 times, so just keep giving.”

I remember the time you donated enough money to sponsor a pew at church. Money was

tight, so I asked, “Why are we giving that much money when we can’t buy what we need for our own household?”

You said, “Whatever we give will come back ten times. Let’s keep giving and believing!”  ??And you were right, Mom. It always came back ten times… and more.

Sometimes, all you have to do is ask.

This is one of the major themes of my credit course. If you want lower interest rates, if you want your banks and credit card companies to wipe away penalties or forgive some debt, sometimes…

All you have to do is ask.

But even though I teach this in my course and in my book, I messed up.

See, I help a lot of non-profit and for-profit companies with their marketing strategies. And I neglected to ask…

I didn’t ask one of them enough deep questions to make sure that our interests were aligned.

So after several months of being frustrated, I finally realized something. I wanted them to make as much money as possible. If they made money, I made money.

But that’s not what they wanted—not in their heart of hearts. They wanted to grow slowly. When it came down to it, they weren’t comfortable with the same explosive growth that I was trying to help them achieve.

There isn’t anything wrong with either of our goals – they just weren’t aligned. If they didn’t make money—and fast—I wasn’t going to make money.

And if I pushed them too hard to grow, the corporate culture they wanted and loved would be non-existent.

So the relationship that we initially established was doomed from the start. We had (and still have) great rapport, and we are trying to find a solution so that we can continue to work together, but it sure would have saved us a lot of time if we had made sure our interests were aligned from the get-go.

So what’s my point?

From now on, I’m going to make sure my interests are aligned every time I enter a professional relationship, create a friendship, or sign a contract.

In fact, if I’m

working on a solution with someone, the first thing I’m going to do is make sure our interests are aligned. If they aren’t, we will only be frustrated when working together.

Having aligned interests is a big part of making any area of life work.

It works with professional decisions, personal relationships, and it works with financial decisions as well.

And it also works on a big scale…

Imagine if the banks had disclosed their interests to the people who bought houses pre-2008! If people had known what was in the banks’ “heart of hearts,” would they have entered into an agreement with them?

And on a small scale…

Would you sign up for a retail store credit card if the cashier disclosed the store’s true interests? Imagine that a cashier said, “Would you like to sign up for a retail store card and save 10 percent on today’s purchase? Our goal is to lure you into signing up for the card so that buy more from us over the long-haul and pay a ton of money in interest rates.”

Heck no! You wouldn’t sign up!

So ask away… before you enter a relationship, make sure you know the true interest of the person (or business) you are going to work with.

As always, let me know your thoughts below. Have you recently realized that a

relationship isn’t working because your interests weren’t aligned?

- Philip Tirone